She tells her brain to wake up
she tells her heart to shake up
she wanders on a path filled with roses without thorns
He tries to wake up
he tries to shake up
he wants to scatter all the roses on her way
But they are both scared of the day love won't be enough to stay
Two souls have collided too fast together that it creates a pain of separation,
pain of frustration,
destroying all but their hearts would be victorious,
needing no swords, no battles,
She runs to him,
he catches her,
one kiss is like a universe exploding,
and the fear is shaken off
from their fingertips, from the marrow of their bones,
like a volcano erupted between two bodies,
now just lava flowing through space and time,
like two hummingbirds in a cage without safety.
Love has no refuge to go to,
it only exists in a kiss between the marrow of a bone and gentle fingertips,
creating warmth to the soul of the world.
-- Family Meeting --
Earth said: you are my child
Sky replied: am I not your father?
Air said while dancing: I am your mother's breath
Water splashed; bring me hope for tomorrow, my brother!
Like one family, big and strong,
we move along until nothing is needed to be said out oud,
I get dizzy and drunk of the wave of sound,
which only calls: love; do come around,
love do come and hurry, too long is the wait already!
Like children we laugh and meet the day,
until there are no more games to play.
Then sister Night comes,
to let us pray,
that whatever comes tomorrow,
it's good and it may stay, with words used in a brand new way.
It leaks for you,
my trembling heart,
it beats to live by your side,
it trembles and cries when you go away,
it longs to hear you say:
"I'm not the monster of betray,
my soul is connected to your heart's way,
my twin flame, my agony and triumph of the day"
I have a fast rhytm,
my tempo is furious like wind,
there is not enough time in this lifetime loving you,
despite it would take a hundred years walking by your side,
it's never enough, because my love is dangerous, it is bigger than the strongest fire of eternity.
It may not look like much,
but inside out,
in your eyes I see my world's end and beginning,
because of you I still have a heart.
-- Lost in alphabets --
By Your humble words I thought you were joking,
"I was yours", you said without provoking.
then it hit me, you never were, because I was always alone with my thoughts.
Your words rang in my head the whole day,
all of my world fell apart , thinking there is a getaway.
Help me in recovery,
help me in understanding that you never tried to confuse,
no cheap tricks, nothing to tease or to amuse.
Being in need of something that controls the mind,
until there are only leftovers to find.
I wasn't your muse
I got to choose!
will you forgive me, if I'll get lost inside your words,
in a state of blues,
greeting the emotions, heart and its hues.
Better is to feel without the angel choir, alone and quiet,
not like a religion without any freedom, not eating from a plate of bones.
I am the mystery behind the veil,
I am what you say to me,
"I was yours", stays within me like a prayer,
unanswered, sad, and serene,
for a short moment you said all that ever has a meaning to me.
-- Other Friend --
5th of April, 2011
Add the pace,
bring back time,
lost is life's grace if you need to hide
revealing your face among the faceless ones can bring you closer to the sun,
the sun is you, my only one.
Burn back bridges,
those annoying old nightmares,
whose voices can make your heart burn in rage
Use me as your shield, my friend,
I have lasted so far without defeat
My wings are invisible,
but I can soar with you to places you've only dreamed of,
let me paint you a picture of a Soul out of reach,
paint it softly on your face with kisses, deep and sweet,
then you may go on your way,
for you have a friend,
who may not place a bet for your safety, requires no pay or bread,
but longs only for an honest heart;
just You without any dread.
take me with you, my dreaming precious thing,
take me with you!
Don't let me forget what you are to me,
my Sun and the Moon,
you are the fire
in the coldness of a hidden Soul.
-- Water's Spell Carrier --
A cloth of lace and silk flows softly over your face and wakes you up.
Sensible skins.. fingers collide.
The morning Sun dances on my neck.
"Is this all I crave for, is this my dream?" I think to myself.
I breathe the cloth's scent inside.
It smells of nightly moonfall,
warm memories and dried up tears and old ghosts,
maybe even faint nutshells and spring apples,
"Wakey wakey tired man..
with this magical protective bandana
you stop frowning and dream of limelight, zap!"
"Your words make no difference than burning candles
inside houses of the dead.
Stop making spells on me" , you say sarcastically.
"Spells don't work if you don't play along."
"It's stupid. Let me sleep.
You make me insane with your spells!"
You can't see the visions I paint for you.
I give it all and nothing is stopping you to read them right,
It's too strange for you,
it's always silly. Too hard.
I know it now.
Dipping to a cold water with someone nameless,
something in the water reflections freezes all nerves still, but makes my blood boil.
Staring at the ripples sent across the water are like visions of new worlds..
written before me all over again with strange letters
with more meaning than anywhere before.
Inside this cloud of dust particles,
I am without a form, here no one has any areas to conquer,
but I swear.. real is the smell of your leaking bloodstream.
This overwhelming sensation of the one,
who cannot speak my language,
feel my fingers nor become part of human life.
Who was the monster to ever cast you aside?
Why is this presence been left to hide?
From the water you rise up and become flesh.
Have I rescued a moth from daylight, or damned it,
or am I loosing my mind?
Am I missing the path on the map you drew me
in a time before time?
The questions of questions linger and fill me up inside.
You see my heart through eyes which darkens
when one dares to look at them for too long and deep.
I saw hatred there, I saw a world of hurt,
such fear inside a mighty soul,
and how this uncertainty left me quiver,
but I never looked too much,
and you didn't ask me to go.
Severed and battered you
live inside that harness of constant pain.
Where do you come from?
Is there anything left for you to reclaim?
You soar, yet you fall,
until torn wings can fly no more.
You fight, yet you fall,
because the blood you spill is your own after all.
You love so much, yet you fall,
because you haven't had any freedom to love.
You run, yet you fall down,
without turning around you stay unspoken,
too weak to smite down the demons who laugh and chase you
to the ends of earth.
You get up, yet you fall..
You live without any love at all.
Those are the things I cry about,
those are all I care about.
I swim inside of you,
away from you.
with every breath I take.
My muscles hurt,
your bottomless ocean kills me each day,
like all pain exists just to feel hope in vain,
it is the thought of your tear is the salt in my mouth,
it drives me on and on.
It is the form of flesh and soul,
the heart shaped sigh between the horror and foul.
I never stop searching for you
though I feel drowning little bit each day,
I get to be closer to you in such magical ways.
With you there's no risk, no doubt, no shame,
it's the touch of the untouched
that gets me on my feet, asks never anything less,
but always something more
and better we both shall become and all things endure!
Your arms cannot carry me,
since they are hands made in a reflection of a dream,
but I know who will always walk beside me;
You who asks nothing of me,
but knows only what is meant to be
and cares who speaks out for thee.
This is love forever,
the air inside of a bubble of water.
This is why you always smile underneath that harness,
you smile even when you bleed and get ripped apart,
You see dreams about fading lives but the dream of life never sleeps.
Teach me love and I teach you about will,
teach me thoughts and I teach you about thrill.
In every way possible you have shown me;
This is our eternity
where moths can fly
blind and eaten by the Sun.
"Let me sleep. You make me insane with your spells!"
That's not my dream or can't be my reality.
Someday I stop swimming and you can walk with me
as all the worlds collide, as soft
as the ends of all rainbows and wings of butterflies
and the one in the water
cries no more,
and gets to walk on feet of his own,
with arms he can use and press against other hearts and souls,
with face he can touch upon and lips he can kiss,
with mouth he can whisper perfect words for perfect beings from big to small,
with eyes and vision he looks at with moist eyes,
but not because of pain, not because of sorrow and rage,
but only because too fast is the pace of passing time.
Such tragic is the short time
what is given for love
and love for life.
Do you think this was a spell,
or just cheap words tapped into a mouth?
Where have you been, little child?
Smile of you gives me might like nothing alike,
but it awakes me to a fright
knowing as you grow old, that smile may disappear into a muted midnight
Where have you been, my young knight?
The look of you puts me in a light,
I am afraid of the day when I'm blinded by your sight
and I kneel before your beauty and my heart loses its hide
Where have you been, my dear old friend?
I was sitting in a park, reading a book about you,
and saw you there for the very first time,
and I wept for the sake of my own despise,
this desperation inside now yearns for a healing goodbye
Where have you been, my love, my delight?
The rose of my heart blooms bloodred when you are near,
and I am always more real when you say: come closer, none of the flowers of the world
compares to you, my dear.
Where have you been, my death, my king?
and softly comes this reply, like a beam from the Moon above:
"I don't have a home,
but I watch and sway in the cloud,
in the desert, I ride on the lonely waves of the sea.
I watch your journey in asunder,
since the places you go, are open roads to you my sweet,
I smile from afar, you little machine of joy and thunder,
you who sees me and still can sleep,
knowing how all is yours to wonder, wonder and wonder.. to treasure, but never keep."
Where have you been, my prince of pain?
I see how you cut yourself and all you do is blame
those dark dazed eyes are your own awaiting grave,
as you mold new images to your hollow maze,
drifting on dry winds you bask in your withering temple of fame,
can't you hear how all you say is 'please, please tell me what is my real name?'
Where have you been, my sunshine between the rain?
Your touch is so close, yet remain so far..
such ways you nourish me like water of the gods
you fall down to dance on this frail skin,
to dry away these selfish tears,
to kiss my neck when I need it the most.
Hear the voice; it's the call of your angel, the love of your ghost!
Don't abandon the one who craves your love the most,
that one who walks behind just to lift you up,
and fights the biggest fights to protect you,
pulling you up to the very top of your mountain,
where we're finally able to reach out to be touched.
"Wisdom of Knowledge"
(1st of January, 2000)
Everything you see is a memory of what you've always seen.
Close your eyes; explain it to me.
Wisdom of knowledge can easily be fooled.
Look behind and you'll cry out for something already restored:
a life to rewind.
In my hands there's nothing to touch,
but when you weep you'll long for my arms.
Faces are masks: made to conceal.
A drop of a tear,
and all those walls will come crumbling down.
Could you want something so much,
that you'd forget about yourself?
Memories will fade as fast as a lion's prey..
Long lasted loved ones cannot be erased,
as much as you'd want to forget what you've lost;
your heart does not hesitate.
It can be hard
to explain the shape of a scar inside the heart.
It can be hard,
to explain its silent calls.
Close your eyes:
Take off the mask:
No Man's Slave
- 22th of February 2000 -
NO man's someone's slave.
Women will heal and women will prey.
A thousand hearts are enslaved each day.
Women will heal and women will pray.
Change, Time and Water
(written in 25th of May, 2007)
It's when a water has an emotion
it's when it doesn't cool you but hurts more
it's when the water has a scream.
Within floats the sorrow; the emotion of the water.
To push your feet to the sand
and stay there standing although it burns
the harder it hurts, the longer you wish to stay!
Do I endure until I scream?
Or can I run into the water?
Sadness has a face, the face of a human, alone human's.
I touch them and they make me cry.
Am I only the emotion of the water?
The same water which gave birth to me here?
Did it awake inside of me or am I awakening inside it?
Only those feet, which have gained strenght
and remained healthy can run away from the sand.
Lonely, weak feet stay until they bleed.
While being alone I cramped to be so small,
so very small that I crumbled into pieces
How many times do I have to tape those pieces together again?
They won't get repaired
but only break to smaller pieces,
and if I throw away the useless parts, the left overs, I'm just ugly and broken.
If I keep them all,
I look intact,
but still get more fragile on the inside.
Bring me water: I try to carry it well.
When existence feels only like falling down
and there's nobody around,
then grief laughs and throws its mask to me:
"Take that, cry until you burst, break, go empty, you pitiful flower."
The flower within me blooms for a moment.
In eternity it doesn't even have a lifespan.
Then what am I then?
Before the color red felt like love,
then it was heroism,
now it shows as only hatred and war..
What comes after all this but just more water
which has an emotion?
That emotion is Sadness with a human face.
"Ghosts are not good hosts for the heart;
they never shead a tear,
searching them takes you nowhere,
on a boat that's already gone; that boat's your Fear.
Ghosts don't know love,
they don't care,
nor feel the sun, the rain, your rage,
- since they never shead a tear.
You are here,
he is here,
she is here,
we are here,
and that makes us all young.
Those who live are not gone just yet,
so answer this; who's that ghost inside your head?"
”Without you, but neither with me”
There's so many things I need to ask
so many uncertainties holding me back..
see my drowning face
my gripping tie..
see my hunger
but nothing to sink these teeth into
no secrets to lie about, no home to go back to
I was wandering far
before I met you;
and now I hate the mirror I gaze into.
”Wake me up from something I'm not”, I tell my brain,
and still I'm not
any closer to the one I need,
and feel more and more dead
inside out, like it's a dream that stays.
There are so many songs to sing about
those could bring peace unto me
but none of them could ever refill this void
alike the dance you once gave to me
with your open arms,
carried by a laughter so free like a shooting star,
lips touching my soul, the truest weeping part,
your hands caressing me softly, holding me safe
from the very start
when our dance ended.. and the morning came,
greeting me with such cruel light of nakedness and pain of already knowing,
how the warmth and taste of each other is about to fade away
I knew then;
you had taken my heart
so very.. very far away from me
You had become my morning light
the killer of my heart each night.
I look at the clock
and pick up my tie.
Looking at the mirror I see no one there,
but my lips keep asking over and over, until my eyes are red
and I gasp for breath of air...
”Why? Why not me? Were you ever here?
Were you already gone before or after I knew your name?”
You gave me a winter
but you know how I just fall like a leaf
and thus one more angel forgot how to grow its wings
and take off.
now turn their gaze into a memory
that sleeps beneath the hardened skin..
so that angel once innocent could still keep its wings
and flying high in an unclouded dream."
Sands of Time
(June 6th, 2009)
Red warning flares,
ears impaled by screaming ghosts,
worn out coats,
torn down homes,
memories of the lost,
and the dreams of disappearing hopes..
This our world,
the one that is dying,
the one that has died
and the one that still is living.
You and me are still walking on the highway,
the one with broken signs and whispering dry winds.
Just you and me, bit of sand in our boots,
from the desert and overfilled wastelands we've crossed.
That's like.. forever ago. Still this moment feels like a morning.
The herds of new faces,
unknown names, sad lives are passing us by,
who are all going to another direction than you and me.
You are gripping my hand tighter as we pass them,
I feel like a stone is growing inside of me.
'Let me be your shield', I tell myself,
'let me be your shield against rage and these people of steel.'
Sky is enlit and the judging landscape grows despair
alike the fear of sudden death.
The growing strenght of a small tiger cub
has the same strenght of a full grown beast.
Looking in your eyes I see that
this is what you see in me,
and I walk steadily...
........| ........| ........|..
Steady this heart beats and calls out for you,
even though my legs are shaking.
Steady me.. don't ever give up on me.
Blown apart are the sights and dreams of this place,
the roads are crumbled,
the lights are broken and night is darkened
with violence and fear.
Sand ruffles beneath our boots,
sand is everywhere now.
The heat of anger.
The panicing people fade away to distance,
there is only us
and all the days of peace
just looking at us, watching us from afar..
somewhere else than here,
but it is so close.
Don't look back now,
the day has come to follow the sands of time,
without a tear in our hearts,
without anger in our minds,
without doubting ourselves
about who we are
and what can we become.
Who commands these hands, heart, eyes, mind and feet,
if it is not 'I', if it is not 'ME'?
Is is dirt, is it divine, is it someone about hurt?
I tell how it goes, but can you take it down,
all the way down to earth, where we both live,
as we carefully plan out one's own worth?
The one I AM is the one who IS to BE,
the one who needs to be both all of YOU and all of ME.
Prove me wrong and all reasons shall become unseen,
like clouds of disbelief.
Truth.. it is the hardest to bear.
It may come in fear,
it may come in a blame,
it may salute you,
it may bring you tears,
it may come too near against your soul
that you begin to hate
the very core of YOU,
since alone the thoughts
you had of dirt and dust
are so unjust,
only because the understanding comes too late,
as you've always listed your own words in perfect order,
before allowing the rectification of your true thoughts,
I have always been here,
but because the one believing I am DIRT,
is also myself,
then ALL which came after me,
have turned into HURT.
I have let this world burn down to the ground.
I've let it happen
because that is my worth.
Oh.. such horrid claim!
Such horridness flows in these angry veins!!
But nothing can be proven otherwise,
I am myself to blame,
I am my own despise,
insect, rabid dog who's taken the bone and the bait!
For this I cannot approve my own most truest terms,
because then I would have to express it;
speak with the very soul of me,
that I've always searched nothing but wanting
to love every good thing in this world
with every breath and every heartbeat,
but I can't,
because I'm never one with my thoughts,
nor fully trusting, what I've believed to be true
and the battles I fought,
for the sake of the one and only truth:
that there's nothing but LOVE
wanting to be found,
crying when it's lost,
remembers those who loves it most,
desires like beast to its prey,
leaving trails behind like a ghost,
returning to its beloved post,
and paying the highest cost
- with JOY and inscrutable and indestructible will
that everything and every being is free to do it all again
as long as there's time and another shining chance for such a thrill!
It can be nothing else,
because all else IS just DIRT,
falling to the ground,
rising from the ground to become dirt,
cycle after cycle after cycle..
There's always been only me.
Just myself justifying all our mistakes and actions so mean,
I AM here like a creed, telling to myself things
I don't want to learn or see..
Because if I would embrace the highest truth,
which is the life of eternal self-judgement,
the living curse of death and shortness of knowing
what means to be alive,
where I would never be accursed
or become any more or less divine,
not a prince of the sacred crown,
not a slave for the toils and accounts,
not a king of a million clowns,
not a wife to be shackled to a home she never found,
but a rogue entity,
by its own kind.
Rescue me from the dirt I create!
Only then we can both continue to BE.
And I Am always you and you are always me.
Let the universe be as it should have always been.
Wait for me just before the dream,
maybe someday we'll catch each other,
and become real and see the clarity of our
hearts and runaway kisses.
Please just wait for me.
I'm removing the dirt every second,
until I am free from it,
I cannot set myself free from humanity,
but I see you're still smiling
when I mention the word
-- In this place --
(1st of May, 2010)
You are not afraid of what waits for you
around the corner
Calm that heart down,
it's only you and me here.
Saving breath for words,
unable to speak the things we crave to speak about
it's only the soul that needs,
of something you can give
but you never say it
in this place
Not like this.
Since I'm afraid of what you're about to tell me.
And I might lose myself into you,
and if I don't want to come back into this
that I've so gotten used to control.
Into this rage,
that enlightened my world
as burning bright
And since without it,
without my rage,
there is only you I live for,
while I still survive on my own,
but I wear no crown,
the shine of it remains dead
at all times,
since I can't see you talking to me,
the way you tried so long,
just before the Sun went down
and all stars started to die out..one by one
Hold your breath.. hush
Wait until I get one back for you."
Stroking is hard,
as your fingers have no feel anymore
laughing is hard
when it's our own voice that sounds scarred
is something wrong?
Have I turned you into a statue?
Or am I a disease to you, another
body to hold on to?
Kisses of goodbyes only happened far away,
when I was beautiful,
when I had a fate
but now..I don't know.
Where are you?
Are you in the Sun,
in the Moon, in a flower,
Mars or in a cocoon?
There are so many colours to choose from, they say..
"Can I tell you a secret?"
"Of course, you can tell me anything."
"I'm mad about whirling winds.. they're inside of me like a storm of love. I can feel them through my skin."
"It's your flesh and bone you're talking about."
"I want to touch him."
"I don't follow you."
"Angels live only in your crazy little mind. Stop talking nonsense."
"I just made a deal with one."
"Don't you mean the devil?"
"Don't you know anything about what's keeping you alive?"
"Well not angels at least.."
"My whirling wind has been born from a single kiss. It gave me all the world to love. All of it."
"That's impossible. I'm not listening to you anymore.. it's insulting to reason to talk about angels and kisses like they'd actually happen."
"And you wonder why world has given me everything and you don't have anything at all in that empty heart of yours..silly little soul."
"You call me silly and little? For that you don't deserve my appreciation anymore."
"Such strike like a serpent's bite. When my whirlwind breaks free, know it's you who ripped my skin apart, with a vengeaful dagger and a blackened heart."
"Then such secrets should not be told."
"You lied. You said I can tell you anything. That's what's always kept you and me worlds apart."
What would you do with your Grand Ship of Dreams you sail
across the Seas of Doubt,
if all of sudden the Oceans of the world were turned into drought?
What if your Well of Crystal Water is nothing but a Well of Blood,
made by the warfed cogs of the insanity and deceit,
that makes a brother turn against another fellow man,
only to play you a fool like a pawn on a child's hand?
Would you drink from a Well of Bones?
Is your Soul still intact?
What do you do if it decides to attack?
How do you know you've lost something that you only wish you had?
Who set these waters blazing red like the Ancient Sun had set
under the earth once again to burn us all down?
Thorn inside this Heart,
I sit chained to a chair and await the fire to come from the sky,
hands and mind locked behind
I just look at the Door,
when others just settle sleeping on the floor,
waiting to hear the Sirens of Hunger, Pain and War,
but true merciful Death only answers to the call of the uncalled.
I can't escape your eyes, I know their color even through this blur..
and your shadow growing long during this exhausting stir.
Your face is painted with an apology and the will of Lost Kings.
I look at you without a mind,
without a tongue to ask;
"Why are you there,
and what is this fear I'm feeling, if not only to put my shame aside?"
they said there's going to be a storm.. a Melésian storm.. what is not from this world.
Are you, am I,
beyond any help?
This dream was not about fighting against you.
It was about accepting the storm.
It was about forgetting the Boat of Dreams,
and the illusion of an infinite Meridian Blue.
Oh.. this storm will blow all houses down until all will see the Ancient Sun.
Thorn inside this heart,
it bleeds and waits
outside my window is only your remaining breath,
but the window pane cuts it apart,
so we remain here
Your shadow in the Doorway and me on a Chain
In Mindless Love
with the vision of a shared relieving pain.
That is why I need this storm..This Melésian Storm.
The storm that opens all windows between love and the heart.
And this wonderful storm finally breaks mankind apart
from the lies, murder and greed that wished to destroy it from the start.
There's never been anything but Melésia on my mind.
You speak about the Word of all Words,
but it eludes my mouth,
but still I see it in all the colours of the wind
faintly blowing from a distant shore,
what it is that I've found?
This is all the time we have together;
my enchanted flower, you broken
traveller of dreams;
you are the sand in the hourglass,
beauty behind thorns,
Before this heart you've allowed yourself to bloom,
otherwise you'd have chosen death over life
long long time ago.
Fill the air of you,
fill all of me,
inside out, nothing is more sacred to me
than the hidden veins of your smile and glow!
In return I shall gather those petals you've dropped,
may they look like tones of laughter
or tears of dismay,
cry of revenge
or a howl of deceit,
but I will keep them all safe and sound,
until you may lay down for the winter,
and none of the other wild orchids are there to tell you 'nay'
or slam you with anymore doubt.
I whisper the one word you gave me,
so you remember how we met;
each spring, each summer, each fall,
until the snow also covers me,
taking my breath to the dark;
But suddenly all the winds and colours
are returning from that distant shore
where the orchids are no longer wild,
but have a world of their own.
Your hand in mine,
you no longer need to search
to the ends of time;
we've become the Sun,
we've become the Sun,
we've become the Sun,
and the Sun will love forever,
and the Sun never needs to run away and hide.
"Softness in the moving air,
softness in my breath,
gasping slowly and deep like the midnight river flows
over the falling moonlight, crossing a silent call you sent out to catch me,
Is your bloodhound awaiting me on the shore,
are his eyes blazing red because of the life I lived,
or are they glazing blue like the tears I wasted and kept?
Neither. He is blind..
I pat his coat and felt the softness of the beast like none alike.
He pulls me to the shore, and there is a moon's gate opening like a giant jawbone of ice and snow,
inside the gate I slide into the ethereal starlight.. and I finally see this face.. these arms.. forever I've felt the touch of your kind.
Purest of the purest forms he comes into sight, behind the gate the hound howls like a
caller of souls, voicing his unspoken lovesongs into the loneliness of enclosing sunlight.
The sky is switching to purple, deep blue, then cyan and anilin rose, before they all blend at the horizon, becoming sea of every colouric choice.
"I'm here, as you called me once upon a time," you finally speak. "It took me forever to get here, and you're beside me just for one day. But I choose to touch you fully once and love you with all my heart from dawn 'til dusk, as the option is to wait another million empty years decaying between time and space,
without knowing that you knew the reason and my cause to be,
all along you held your heart open for the flow of my tears."
- Between disfigured letters and questionable shapes -
23th of November 2009)
with your empowering scent
cover me with the perfect roundness of your arms;
these brights spots
of lingering rays of your vision,
asking; who's becoming alive before my eyes,
leaving from my fingertips and spreading around this cold space,
but the tragedy of a heart's passing moment,
and because of my fragile strenght,
face of you fades away so fast.
First breath you took from me
made a haven in my heart; learn everything of me so I'd know what you need,
as there's nothing I can't deny you,
I can force myself to command you,
but you'd make me bleed against your will,
for you are everything what the world takes away,
I cry since you feel like deserving it,
saying how it's your reason to be.. but they never took your breath away,
and all breaths are meant to suffer in this world.
So breathe again, my dear.. hide, and
like a longing spirit of love
who don't have a friend in all places of this forsaken rock,
this wasteland of mutilated dreams and hollow soldiers; I'm able to see your shape,
wanting to escape from the chanters of lies
and the visions of the dead,
see you running away from the rooms that have never heard your name,
but they lied you were there, they chase you to the ends of earth,
and they lie some more,
until their lies became thorns, torches and stolen ghosts,
so that the Earth had to swallow in disgust,
and become sick,
of what she had given birth to,
because of all the rotten seeds,
and the rattling of their steel cages,
so She had to wake you up
to come closer.. to lure you out this way since she could not bear the lies anymore!
Oh, what a crime..
oh such crime.. the greatest of crimes that earth's mean children have done..
they already wait for your arrival with spears and bombs and armies of billions.
They wait a long time and they wait in hate.
Not in a primal rage you decide to come in silence,
they expect you to be like them,
in their contempt and deceit to which they have so persistently always believed.
The cage rattlers can never see your tears nor able to see you standing there,
they can have their spears and hate,
they can have their fears and say:
"We own the world, we own our fate! Death is the only goal to live for today!
Kill away the truth, dimm down the Sun,
we will drown this world to blood before we turn our lives around."
By using the last drops of your remaining might,
your hand reached out from the rubble-filled skies,
from the endless-seeming ocean of Doubt,
making it's way to the end of my deepest dreams;
and just between a word unknown and the thought of a question,
I grabbed it,
and I felt a weight in the nothingness!
inside this darkness
I know what is the purple light
hiding behind these eyes,
but who leads these hands,
heals this soul
guides this body,
who shows colours of ten billion stars, how the borders can be broken,
so that the rattling cagers stay away..
so that the circle remains open to the stairways of thousands of different caleidoscopes
to glance at young yet aging sunbursts,
and our mouths always speak the same language,
with a one cause,
with a one mind,
with the purest of thought,
and all time with the purest of delight.
Stay still to be found;
behind that purple light there's reasons to speak,
with ways who hold no tongues,
only the silky pressures and weighs of love
and talking smiles,
like a cat who purs to the ones who are kind,
but only to ones without cat's own claws.
Speak without a word,
mark your voice into the air,
engrave your mind into the wave of sound,
draw onto it and show it all to the stars,
so they'd see their brothers again and they can look at each other,
knowing what means to be alive,
circling around this living time and being in all places to be,
healing all things inside of you and me,
so that everything you've gone through has never happened in vain,
but it's made you breathe again; inhale without the suffering, exhale without the pain.
as you lift my soul
onto your mouth
and whisper with words that cannot be heard;
how we will never come again,
like we are now,
like we've once been,
before the leaves turned to gold and red
before you only saw them green,
but as you say: this is something more,
then I'm completely awake,
and by this certainty of the unsaid I can live in place of peace,
for you're meant to guard my heart
and I'm made here to guard your soul.
My message to you comes in short waves,
in small bursts of particles that seek out your receptors, where ever you may be.
Can you finally see how far I am,
yet they see me running as fast as I can?
These cells wither away each day, as I reach out for clouds of space,
cry after the vanishing time and dying flames, when there is always more roaming, more skyways to ascend, more rainbows to cross over,
always much more spectacular views than I've ever seen before.
"Goodbye Nicodemus.. this is what you see", were the words coming out of me.
That is when it became clear, as the name latched on to me tightly like midnight to a moonbeam.
"Goodbye for now, while our ships sail on two different waves."
Your vision was so near, and the spectrum skies glowed each time you spoke,
as if the Earth was about to be born again, the sight of you was so bold and brave.
You are a dreamer, and that is what you see and be, no other future is chosen for me.
"Nicodemus, you are indeed dead, or a ghost, haunted and the dread.." I said, being as sure as the scent of roses and of a pounding heart who feels threat.
"..but I rather be asleep with you, as you are a captain in all worlds, sharing all the secrets gods try to keep.. but still here you are, smiling to a poor lost soul like me."
Then like a composer of great tidalwaves in oceans of time, you sway me to places I can never really be, with this hindered vision that still tries to see, and remember all the words you said to me, remember all the unbinded looks of a real you and me.
You direct me gently to the very fountains of birth, you laugh while jumping the last leap and hold on to me, until is time to wake up in the age before death.
Fair and well Nicodemus.. in some other time that name then became undone, and it could not be the same, even though many others can carry that name again.
But as sure as I breathe, the Moon lightened up your eyes as it happened;
our minds became stardusted by all love long gone, is and still yet to come.
The glowing dawn hides the dark paths of night, destroying it all as we'd never been there.. like we'd never shared a single thought.. how I cried that loss and felt my foolishness and arrogance to be at fault.
The name remains.
The name of all good going by.. the Nicodemus that stays.
I smile and think about your name, that name you brought through lightyears of mist and dreary grey,
only so this dream can be.
Waves keep breaking the shoreline and then return to the sea.
That is how dear you'll remain to me.
Hey, lonely evening star.. I approach you,
since this blaze inside feels nothing but rage anymore.
This rider of storms begs you now,
with these hands looking swollen,
crafted by fire and guns I lay them before you,
with nothing to hold on to.
I need to hear a story of a dying man,
whose heart was made of stone,
a story which he can have as his own.
A tale about the time he felt weary and old
and as his breath was stolen
by the ice queens
and cold kings of might and gold.
Let them know how the man wasn't there in vain,
let them know his echoes remained,
in the wilderness of time,
in the play of trumpets
and violins of the kind.
Evening star; the long lost voice,
I beg of you,
since I have but a one remained choice,
listening to these goated heads
and their serpent tongues,
so it is hard to hear your voice
through their racket and demise.
Be gentle, be kind,
for I am here now,
as it has taken so long for me
to kill the flame of rage inside.
Shine on me tonight,
shine like a silver armor,
since the tales you tell are
of your eternal
well of tears
it's the rainy cry,
which you send down to nourish us all.
Without lies you fall,
without deceat you call,
without fail you soar,
without falsehood of the tamed fangs of boars,
with their lords carrying swords and spears of fear.
Tonight shall Knights of the Damned gather as one,
since now is the last hour of their time..
So what choice do I have but to look at you and calm down,
as they tie my hands and put a crown of blood upon my head?
Therefore I am bitter and I frown,
for my dreams are stolen and the life I was living
was never found.
With this crown I pledge,
by words they cannot hear,
by a vow they cannot steal:
My bullets shall be as roses,
my thorns as soft as feathers,
my steel plate as frail as a transparent cloud,
my long nails kind as a silky shroud,
since I am no longer proud,
I am no longer worried,
of my everlasting cost.
Peace and laughter await me,
where you and I share the symphony of love,
as I will join with the rain.
I remove all fame and bring joy beside pain,
mercy to devour hate,
freedom to break any chain,
and it will only happen,
when no one bows before my name.
"Remember.. if you have a fever that will not end...
in the darkness you hear her calling.
Just when you lay down on your bed tired of your tears,
Death comes to visit, to give you a warning..
she renames you with a name of your choosing..
softly whisper it near her ear.
She awakes you the next morning, and each day after that..
Until roses and cherries bloom after your final recalling,
and the skyline sees you smiling,
with the love you needed,
to hear your own heart's singing,
without the despair of a dreamer's fate.
Awake. It's not too late."